The Hall Monitor – Full Movie

The Hall Monitor – Full Movie


[music playing] [crowd chatter] [music playing] OK, ladies, let’s
get this started. Big game tomorrow. Here we go, five,
six, seven, eight. [drilling] Will you shut up? Some of us are trying to make
the most of our education. Mockery. How can you work
with that noise? Used to it, I guess. Jesus, would you
listen to that? It’s repulsive. Just ignore it
like everyone else. That’s the problem. We ignore and they
think it’s OK. Half naked cheers to
mindless violence. This is not higher education. We’ve got to do something. This is high school. What are we going to do? No, that’s highschool. This is Vo-Tech. Same building. Same building,
different worlds. Up there, it’s nothing but–
but cheerleading and football. We make things–
physical, tangible things. We’re doing something real down
here and they shit all over us. Hey, pube face,
what do you think? High school’s just one
big meaningless sex and violence machine, right? We’re all the corroded
gears of this cruel pain machine called adolescence. [door slamming] See? He agrees with me. OK, OK, so what can we do? They shit on our world,
we shit on theirs. Cool, cool. Where do we begin? So this is how the
other half shits. Padded seats. Scented toilet paper,
crappy music, this is just like my grandma’s house. [knocking] Occupied. [knocking] Look, you speak English? El shitero is
occupado, stupid fuck. DAN: I need to see it. Sick man, you some
kind of faggot? DAN: Your hall pass, asshole. I need to see your hall pass. Fuck. Uh, just a minute. Uh, cafeteria meatloaf, man. You know how it goes. [knocking] Bad decision. Woo, it’s not healthy in here. [knocking] Ah. When are you scum
going to learn? If you want to take a
dump, you need a hall pass. Easy, man, I’m not from here. I’m from the Vo-Tech. I didn’t know. Ignorance of the
law is no excuse. OK, OK, I’m sorry. Can I at least wash my hands? You know what they
say, hygiene first. Ugh. And let everyone know
that as of today, the Vo-Tech takes no more
shit from high school dorks. [laughter] [gunshot] [crying] My leg, you shot
my leg, you prick. Jesus Christ, I’ll
never walk again. Hm, well, then I suggest you
crawl to the nurse’s office. [crying] You’re dead, dick head. Do you hear me? This isn’t over. You don’t fuck with the Vo-Tech. We’ll meet again, I promise. Super. Hey. Hey, come back. I’m really bleeding here. Mommy? Good morning, fellow students. This is Lucy McGregor
reporting live at the start of another school
day at Rocky Mountain High. I’m standing here
with football captain Jonathan Thomas Tom Thomson. Johnny, the Rocky
Mountain Carrots are riding high on
an unprecedented five game winning streak. We all want to
know how do you it? Lucy, the team’s in great
shape and we’re working hard. But the single most important
factor to our winning streak is the raging Rocky
Mountain fever running wild in this school. And as long as our fans
support us, we’ll kick ass. Catch the fever,
it’s contagious. Wow. I am live with Kirk the
Killer, Mitch the Oven, and Ritchie the Idiot. Guys, do you agree
with your team captain when he says school spirit
has carried you through you five game winning streak? School spirit my ass, Lucy. We’re natural born
killing machines. We won’t be stopped. Yeah. Any one who doesn’t agree with
that gets thrown in the oven. Yeah. I– I– I played football. Yeah. You heard it here first. I think it’s a travesty, that
while so much suffering is visible in our
school, you people center on something as trivial
and as violent as football. What about the students that
are mathematically deficient and can’t find proper tutoring? Do the care about football? Or the lactose intolerant, there
is not a substitute for milk available in the
school cafeteria. Or, the baby seal– Here’s our school
mascot with a comment on a team’s winning streak. GIRL: Corporal
punishment kills freaks. Ah-ha, I knew I was popular. I would like to take this time
to acknowledge the unpopular. OK, she’s gone, let’s go. Hey, baby. Come on, what are you
doing Friday night? Come on, we got
something going on– ugh. [camera clicks] [cheering] Wendy, our sources have
linked you to the hall monitor. Tell us, do you hold the
hall pass to his heart? Well, you know, it’s
hard being the most popular girl in school. Sometimes I– I feel
like my private life is being broadcast all
over the PA system. So in the interest
of privacy, well, I– I can’t confirm
that I’m romantically involved with the hall monitor. I can say that it
only makes sense that the most
popular boy in school would be with the
most popular girl. And that would be me. [tires screeching] Hall monitor, you
rule, man, woo. Dan, our sources have
linked you with Wendy Pepper. Tell us, is there
love in the hallway? You want to stick that
thing somewhere else? There have been
reports that the Vo-Tech is planning to retaliate
after yesterday’s shooting. Do you expect any trouble today? If I’m lucky. There you have it. The start of another
exciting school day at Rocky Mountain High. This is Lucy McGregor
saying the note that you pass in class will
eventually come back to you. That’s a wrap. I’m better than this. I’ll never get a scholarship
with stories like these. They’re so junior high. Let it go, Lucy. Come on, got to
get to home room. [crow cawing] Ew. They brushed me off, Maurice. Pushed me aside like a
weekend homework assignment. I’m dead. Do you hear me? Finished, ruined. You’ve got to help me, Maurice. Maurice? Huh? You and me, right? Together, we’ll ride
those waves of popularity right back to the top. What do you say? Yeah, whatever, babe. I’ll do anything,
anything you say I have to do to be popular again. I’ll do it. You know this kid? The hall monitor? Yeah, we did preschool together. This kid is hot. This kid is on fire. Why hasn’t he come to see me? Can you imagine what I
could do for this kid? Can you imagine what
this kid could do for me? I could make principal
with this kid on my resume. I think you’re forgetting
what’s most important here. And what would that be? Me. I can sing, I can dance. Shakespeare’s like a
second language to me. I am dead, Maurice. Oh, wretched school, adieu. Had I bit time to
regain my popularity. Oh, I could tell you,
but alas, I am dead. Oh, I am dead. [bell ringing] Well, that’s first period. Good morning, class. Today, we are going to learn
about the miracle of life, the fragile and fascinating
process of the most beautiful gift on the planet. Does everyone have a dead frog? I saw you on the
cover of the paper. It was really brave
of you to stand up to a Vo-Tech student like that. TEACHER: Everyone,
grab a scalpel. Vo-Tech students are scum. They don’t deserve to be in the
same building as you and me. TEACHER: That will make
your first incision right down through here. You know, everyone thinks we
should be together, you and me. Crazy, isn’t it? The most popular girl in
school and the hall monitor? It would be a media
sensation, don’t you think? Well? You know, I’m not
exactly hard up. If you’re going to be
like this, then maybe I should just be out of here and
leave because I don’t want to– [gunshot]
[gasp] Oh, God. I’m done. [knocking] For heaven’s sake,
Daniel, put the gun away or I’ll have take it for
the rest of the period. Daniel Kashwood, please report
to the principal’s office. Well, Dan, I guess we’ll discuss
this little incident later. Super. Yeah, yeah, but– I
know what you’re saying, you’re not hearing
what I’m saying. Since I employed Daniel
Kashwood as– as hall monitor, tardiness is down 50%,
class skipping is down 75%, and nobody in their right mind
runs in the halls anymore. OK. OK, I’ll tell him. But just for the record,
I think this stinks. There is nothing wrong with
doing things a little bit differently. Problems in the bedroom? Good morning, Daniel. Have a seat. I’d rather stand. What’s up? We go back a long
way, you and I. All the way back to the sixth
grade, if I remember correctly. Cut to the chase, Marty. I have an exam second period. The chase? Well, the chase is this. That fun of yours is getting
me into a world of shit. “Hall monitor maims another
in corridor conspiracy.” The press is killing us. You’re shooting students like
they’re going out of season. What am I going to do? Thank me. I like you, Dan. I mean, you get results,
but the superintendent is breathing down my neck. Mothers are afraid to send
their children to school. I gotta listen to ’em. Shooting students is not the
only way of disciplining them. It’s the most effective. [sigh] Here it is, Daniel. You use that gun only
in emergency situations. No, you got it? Now, I mean it. If not, I’m going to
take it away from you. Is that all? Well, it’s not so bad. You can still rough
’em up a little. Hey, cheer up, Daniel. It’s Friday. The problem with being
on top is everybody wants to knock you back down. Excuse me? Thin walls, couldn’t
help overhearing. You see, they don’t
understand you. You have vision. These schmucks wouldn’t
understand vision if it kicked them in the balls. It scares ’em, intimidates them. They can’t handle it. I, on the other hand, was born
to handle your kind of vision. I live for it. I gotta get to class. Stop by my office some time. We’ll talk about how the
most popular kid in school deserves to be treated. Have a good day now. What does a kid like that want? [phone ringing] Maurice. Wendy, baby, how are the grades? Don’t give me that
baby shit, Maury. You promised me
the hall monitor. You know, there are a lot
of high schools out there that will be more than happy
to have me as a student. Hey, don’t hurt me like
that, I’m working on it. The word is out. Yeah, I mean, even
he isn’t dating you, everyone will think that he is. Yeah, I– I’ve already
written the break up story. Really? How do I come off? MAURICE (ON PHONE): Oh, like
an angel, babe, like an angel. You’re a hero, Maury. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Look, stop by my office. Something just hit me. What a kid. Once we get the
fever to spread, there’s no way we’ll lose. Yeah. Screw the fever, Captain. I’m starved tonight. I got a hunger for
blood sucking fat heads. They call it
football because you kick the ball with your foot. You’re missing the
subtlety of the fever. Yes, we’ll break arms. Yes, we’ll draw blood– Hey, Johnny, what are
you doing tonight oh. Call me. But without the fever,
it’s all in vain. It’s all about purpose. I don’t know, Captain. That’s sounds like a
bunch of shit to me. I play ball so I
can hurt people. You boys want to watch
where you’re going? What are you doing
down there, old man? I’m only doing what
they say I has to do. Keep the school clean,
that’s what I’m doing. Go ahead, laugh, you youngsters
think you own this school. I’m keeping this place clean. I’ve been doing it since
before you was a wet spot on your mama’s bed sheet. How about I turn you
into a big wet spot right here on the floor? Ease up, Killer. This guy’s a part of the school. I’m sure he could tell
you a thing or two about the Rocky Mountain fever. Go ahead, old guy. Tell ’em how the fever
spans generations and brings us all together. I don’t know what the hell
you’re talking about, boy. Fever? I think you’ve got a fever. It’s making you hallucinate. That’s what I think. Disbeliever. Remember, fill in the
bubbles neatly and cleanly. After you’ve finished,
place the exams on my desk. Any questions? Oh, oh. TEACHER: Yes, Carl? Can I got to nurse’s office? I don’t feel so good. We’ve been through
this before, Carl. I’m sure you’d feel fine if
you’d studied last night. You have 50 minutes. Begin. See anything interesting? [gunshot] I guess I should
have seen this coming. Marty, be reasonable. How am I supposed to
dispose of the garbage out there without my gun? Maybe you ought to
try giving a demerit like a normal hall monitor? Look, Dan, I know how much
this job means to you, which is why I am not firing you. Besides, it’s a Friday. What could happen? [crow cawing] [choking] [whistling] I can’t believe this,
a story, a real story. Is that thing on? All clear, Lucy. This is Lucy McGregor reporting
live from the boy’s lavatory. In a tragically ironic turn of
events, Kirk the Killer Kronos has been, uh, killed. Apparently, he was
strangled to death. Details are sketchy,
but we hope to have an answer by lunch time. One can only imagine what kind
of sick and twisted person could do something
like this on a Friday. Our beloved Carrot
is on the scene. Carrot, do have any words
of solace or comfort to offer the rest
of the student body? Yes, Lucy, yes, I do. In times like this, it can be
hard to find a reason to go on. I mean, this poor boy is dead. I know it can be hard to
accept that, but believe me, he’s dead. That’s why we must be strong
and think of positive things, think of happy things,
things like– things like me. That’s it, get it off him. Get it– ow. Look at me. I’m alive. I’m very, very alive. Cut it. LUCY: How do you feel about
the murder of Kirk Kronos? Kirk is dead? Oh, my God. I can’t believe this. He has my CDs. How am I supposed
to get them back? Kirk? He was the best damn defensive
tackle this school ever had and a damn fine kid, damn fine. But I guess you have to
look at the bright time in situations like this. I mean, he was only
a defensive tackle and we have the
big game tonight. Thank God they didn’t
get the quarterback. Poor boy, that poor dead boy. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I can’t possibly express the
deep sorrow that I’m feeling. Hey, are you slapping erasers? Chalk dust kills
the ozone layer. I don’t know if
you’re aware of this, but the victim didn’t
have a hall pass. Way I see it, he had it coming. PRINCIPAL MARTY:
Dan, get over here. What do you got? Just this. They found it on
top of the body. “To the kid I met in
the first grade, K-I-T.” Kirk the Killer. KIT? Keep in touch. Nowadays, the kids
are too lazy to write out a complete thought. What do you make of it? Well, looks like the rumors of
a Vo-Tech retaliation are true. Looks like. Give me my gun. Humph. You can’t be serious. They killed a student. But not with a gun,
with a jock strap. It’s very resourceful. You could learn something
from this killer. Let’s get this wrapped up today. We don’t want it ruining the
football game tonight, huh? Super. [bell ringing] JONATHAN (ON TV): I
want the entire school to know that Kirk’s death will
no way affect tonight’s game. I mean, we’re all
real shook about it, but our feelings are irrelevant. We don’t play football
for ourselves, we play football for the fever
and the fever knows no death. It’s– it’s eternal. Catch the fever, it’s conta– Don’t you ever go to class? It’s not fair. They used to love me. It used to be,
Carrot, do a cheer. Carrot, do a dance. Yo, Carrot, sing “Free Bird.” You want to know what I think? I think if you spent less
time whining in my office and more time out
there making it happen, you could be popular again. See, if you really wanted
it– if you really, really wanted it– you’d
be farting in class, partying on weekends,
killing football players. Now, see, now– now there
is a kid with ambition. There is a kid with drive. That is the kid I should be
representing, not some– some– some– fruit in a funny suit. I am not a fruit. I’m a vegetable. Besides, you want
the hall monitor? You can’t handle the
murderer too, silly boy. They’d kill each other. Now that is the first
intelligent thing you’ve said all day. Football killer versus the
hall monitor– students would pay to see that assembly. Oh, supposed you do get
this killer, how are you going to get the hall monitor? He won’t even talk to you. That’s all being taken
care of right now. I’m making him an offer he
can’t refuse, heh-heh-heh-heh. What? My, oh, my, I seem to
be aimlessly wandering the halls without a hall pass. I hope that big bad hall
monitor doesn’t catch me. Oh, what do I have here? A stick of gum. Everyone knows you’re not
supposed to chew gum in school. Where is he? [metal clanging] [knocking] What? Where is everybody? Somewhere else. [knocking] Oh, surprise, it’s you again. Where did they go? Not exactly an honor
student, are we? They went to the high school,
something about beating down the oppressors by using their
own bloody discrimination against them, not that
I was paying attention. What do you do back there? Just working on a
plan to forever change the face of this
institution for the better, merely using my genius to
improve the lives of my peers. Nothing important. Hm, sounds boring. Ugh. Freeze, Vo-Tech scum. All right, I need to see it. What’s so funny, ass hole? All right, I better be seeing
six more hall passes real soon. [elevator ding] You’re going to have a
hard time collecting hall passes with two broken arms. Hm, how’s the leg? Mockery. Get his gun and give it to me. You think you’re
so goddamn tough. Well, you’re not, see? I’m not a high school pussy. I’m from the Vo-Tech. You can shoot me and I’ll be
back the next day, pissed off and still with a perfect
attendance record. No– no gun. What? I searched him myself,
he doesn’t have a fun. It’s too easy. Hold him. You think you’re so
cool, with your sports and your cheerleading? Well, we don’t have football
or sex in the Vo-Tech. It’s time to feel our pain. What the Sam Hill’s
going on here? Crazy kids. Get that old fuck. What the– oh, shit. Call Bessie, crazy kids. Going back to the
elementary school. Ah. Oh, my good leg. Kill that prick. Super. Humph, stand in
the hallway, babe. Where the skimpy red
thing, sweetheart. Kiss my ass, Maury. Good morning, Ms. Wendy. [screaming] Hey. [whistling] [giggling] We’re done taking
high school shit. Starting today, we– ah. [screaming] [screaming] Oh. Oh. Don’t move, man, or I
swear I’ll take her eye out. See? That’s what I’m talking about. It’s all sex, sex, sex. You are so cool. [clapping] Ah, not so fast, tough guy. I have a hall pass. I’m not as dumb as you look. I have every right to be in
this hallway and you know it. You got nothing on me. You two make me sick. The most popular kids in
school– sex and violence. [screaming] You don’t impress me, man. I’m from the Vo-Tech
and I have a hall pass. I have a hall– pass. Ah. Mockery. This ain’t over, man. Not by a long shot. So where do you sit at lunch? I could save you a seat at
the cool table if you want. Dan? We got problems. Suffocated with a cup, ugh. I hope I never go that way. Anybody see anything? It’s the library, Dan. Nobody ever comes in here. “To the guy I beat
up after school, KIT.” Mitch the Oven, hm. I know, it doesn’t
do us any good. Mitch beat up half the
student body last year. Could be anybody. The superintendent’s not happy. There’s a big game tonight. If I had my gun– And then we’d have seven
innocent people dead. I have a hard enough time
trying to explain why you beat up the entire Vo-Tech. And by the way, the, um, wood
shop teacher says thanks. There’s one left. One what? One Vo-Tech student. And we’re going to
keep it that way. Now from this point on, you
will follow no more leads. I want you to stick
with the football team. Do not let them
out of your sight. I am serious, Dan. The superintendent is furious. He is talking about
reinstating morning prayer because of this violence. God help us all. This is Lucy McGregor reporting
from the school cafeteria on was has become a sad
day for the students at Rocky Mountain High. Two of our most popular, beloved
students taken in their prime. I didn’t really know
any of the victims. I’m on the chess team. I would just like
to say that we exist in a school of many people. Oh. Popular, unpopular. Lucy. Athletic, non-athletic. I’m devastated
that my friends are now walking the hallways of
that great big high school in the sky. People of many different
beliefs and interests. I’m not a football player. Like I said, I’m
on the chess team. And I think it’s a
sin that one should be punished for simply belonging
to one of these groups. That’s right, I’m
on the chess team. You all made fun of me. You beat me up after school
and stole my lunch money. You all laughed at me, but
who’s laughing now, dead boys? So you think it’s
wrong that these two victims were murdered
simply because they’re football players? No, I think it’s wrong that
this is considered a vegetarian substitute for meatloaf. I’m on the chess team. I’m on the chess team. Is this 20 OK? Are there any
words of comfort you can offer those who are
closest to the deceased? My advise is don’t fret,
that causes crinkles. Why wear your pain
on your face when you can wear it on your body? For only 19.99, you can show
the world that you’re mourning and still look good for
your senior picture. That is it. He’s not allowed
on camera any more. He’s ruining my
documentary, I just– Order now and receive
this free gift. Shut up. Turn that off. I’m sure the
victims would agree with me, if they weren’t dead. Jonathan, who do you think
the killer is– a football player from a
rival school, maybe a disgruntled ex-cheerleader? The identity of the killer
isn’t important, Lucy. What is important
is that the team hasn’t lost its school spirit. We are all still infected by
the raging Rocky Mountain fever and that fever is guiding and
protecting us even as I speak. How so? We’ve been given
a guardian angel. Dan, are you personally
protecting the football team? I’ve seen the sort of thing
that’s going today before. And let me tell you, the
scum that’s doing this is cold, relentless,
and consistent. He’s not going to stop until
everybody at this table is dead. Well, I say here they are,
dirt bag, come and get ’em. I’ll be here waiting. And I don’t care if everyone
in this school has to die. I’m going to catch this
son of a bitch in the end and then I’m going
to take him down. You hear me, asshole? You’re going down. I’m not afraid of you. Kill ’em all, I won’t back down. You’re mine. Mine. [laughter] WENDY: Isn’t he the most? This– this is Lucy
McGregor signing off. You shouldn’t eat that shit. It’s bad for the skin. What do you want, Williams? Your job, but I’d settled
for the hall monitor. [laughter] Yeah, the hall monitor,
that’s a good one. Mhm, what are you going to do? Get him elected class president? Hall monitor doesn’t
care for your, uh, world. That’s why he’s so effective. Popularity, girls, doesn’t
mean a thing to that kid. What could you give him
that he doesn’t have? A gun. Come on, Marty, you know
it’s the right thing to do. Look, I was, um, only following
the superintendent’s orders, all right? Oh, please, spare me
the good soldier routine. Besides, I mean, really,
what’s one or two dead innocent
bystanders compared to a big win in tonight’s game? Marty, Marty, I only came to
you because you’re the one person that this kid trusts. Mark my words, if I have to
do this without you, I will. You know, I always
liked this office. What would you think
about shag carpeting? You get the hell
out of my office. Oh, no, you keep it. You’re going to need
something to cry into. Oh-ho, ciao, baby. [groaning] I’m going to start
killing them myself. [glass breaking] I appreciate this, Dan. My entire offensive
line’s in this class. Big game coming up tonight,
can’t be too careful. Let’s get one thing straight. I hate football. I’m only here to catch
this scum in the act. Think fast. Excuse me. [chuckle] You know, we got a couple
openings on the team, if you’re interested. Hey, idiot, go long. Don’t just stand there, idiot. Go get it. Oh, I’m going to start
making him wear a helmet. Jesus. Football? Football? Football. [deep breathing] Ow. Stay where I can
see you, moron. Idiot. What? It’s idiot, not moron. Yeah, uh-huh. Well, you know, actually, I–
I have some ideas of my own. And the one that’s going
to be put into operation almost any minute now. Uh-huh. OK, well, listen, I–
I’ve got to run, sir. Ciao, love you. Asshole. Father John, how’s life
in the school of the Lord? Fine, fine, good to see
you’re still doing so well, eh? What can I say? Jesus loves me. Yeah, apparently so. He comes bearing gift, sir. Oh, ho-ho, ho-ho, ho-ho. How many Hail Marys is
this going to sit me back? Oh, think nothing of it. There’s simply no place
for weapons of the devil at the Saint Teresa High. Besides, nowhere
in the Bible does it say thou shalt not perform
unauthorized locker searches, eh? And you are a true
man of the Lord. Grazie, signore. Oh, prego. [laughter] Maurice, I got it. I’m a genius. I’ll come back later. What can I say? Public schools. He’s a carrot. He’s one of my clients. [bell ringing] Something’s seriously
wrong in this school, Dan. Number seven, nice hustle. I mean, whoever this kid is,
he took off two of my meanest, toughest players. Hey, big number
eight, way to go, huh? I mean, why a bad ass like
that is wondering these halls and not on my team is beyond me. Ritchie, we forget something? What? I showered. Get in there and cover
that– that thing up. Oh. Idiot, idiot. Danny boy, hey, kid. Come here. Remember when I told you
that I understood you, that I could handle your vision? Don’t answer. You can thank me later. Look, I’m sorry I didn’t
come to your office. Jesus, it’s been a busy day. No, no, it’s for you. Kid, it’s– it’s a gift. It’s a gift, yours to
keep, if you’ll let me be your guidance counselor. [thumping] What are you doing in there? Restoring my school to the
values it was founded upon. No, really, what are you doing? You come with me, you get
the gun and the freedom to use it however you see fit. And what do you get? Me? Well, I– I get
the peace of mind knowing that our
school is once again protected by the
baddest son of a bitch to ever walk these halls. Of course, when you
catch the little psycho, you’re going to
have to, you know, kill ’em in front of
the entire school, but I’ll be standing
right by your side. What do you think? After a display like that,
you could become a hero. And I could become principal. Hm? I gotta get to class. Damn, kid. What does he want? [crash] What the hell? RITCHIE: What are you– [crash] Ow. Ouch, ouch. So let me get this straight. You’ve poisoned the mouthpieces
so that the entire football team will die. And? And by murdering the barbitua– Perpetuators. Perpetuators of
lies and violence, the school will once again
be forced to shift focus to education and social reform. That’s it. Oh. The one person
that understood me. [sigh] Freeze. Oh. So it seems you’ve caught me. Well, before you take me in, I’m
sure there are just a million questions you’d like to ask
me, like why did I do it, what drives such a brilliant
criminal mind, did my mom dress
me up like a girl. Well, go ahead and
ask me a question and I’ll pretend
to be interested. How would you like
to come to my office and discuss how the most
popular kid in school should be treated? Spectacular. I can’t believe that
they’re dropping like flies, stupid steroid pumping flies. I’m going to have a scholarship
before sixth period. Let’s get ’em. It’s going to be written
in the history books as one of the most brilliant
crimes of the century. The football killer rocks. The so-called football
killer has sent waves of shock to the entire student body. A scared and baffled faculty is
beginning to accuse Principal Martin Caste of incompetence. Principal Caste, how
are you responding to accusations that you’re not
qualified to run this school? Lucy, heh-heh, this is
a small suburban school with a limited budget. There’s just, uh, so
much that you can do and I want to assure everyone
that I am doing as best I can. How are you handling
the hall monitor’s inability to perform his duty? Listen, you little bitch– Because of the
present situation, Daniel Kashwood has been
removed of– from this case. What? I had to. I’m following my orders. Dan, what’s it going
to be like returning to normal school life and– I told you once today. Stick that thing
some place else. What the hell’s
going on here, Marty? Luke, we’ll talk later, hm? But Dan– Uh, Dan– I’m sorry, kid. It’s over. The hell it is. Dan, what’s it going
to be like returning to normal school life– ah,
Dan, that’s school property. I don’t care what you have
to say publicly, Marty, but you can’t take
me off this case. Sorry, I have to. No, no. You don’t. Look, you think I
have control here? I don’t. I have known you since
elementary school. Don’t you think I’d do
something if I could? Look, you know me
better than anybody. You know this is all I’ve got. It’s everything. This job, it’s my
whole identity. I mean, you can’t take away
a teen’s identity, right? I mean, that’ll mess
him up for life, right? I am just the principal here. I– I don’t write
the curriculum, I don’t decide the snow days. I don’t run this school. Impressed? You start at this all day? I’m impressed you
don’t get hazard pay. These are the most popular
students this school ever had. Everyone a legend and everyone
counselled by yours truly. You play your cards right, I
put your picture at the top. Please, do I get to
wear the funny suit? Babe, you do realize
that students beg me to be their guidance counselor. Don’t take this
the wrong way, babe, but after I was done
with the football team, I was going to kill you. Why? Well, look at you,
you’re sleaze personified. And? And you’re ruining my school. You’ve taken the
passive ideology of institutional
learning and turned it into a violent
class struggle, a bloody popularity contest. Every student in this school has
forsaken education for status, traded ethics for self image. You know, last year,
20 people signed my yearbook keep in
touch and not one of them returned my phone calls. And do you know why? Because they didn’t
want to keep in touch. They just wanted to write
what everybody else wrote. They didn’t care about my
feelings, only their image. Well, there’s a price to be paid
for living without a conscience and it’s high time it was paid. You want to be on the
student council, don’t you? What? You need an outlet for
these ideas of yours. A column in the school paper. Have you noticed the
unusually high number of dead bodies lying around? I have an outlet for my ideas. You know that, I know
that, but nobody else does. You see, on some deeper
level of understanding, dead jocks may symbolize
retribution for your pain and your suffering. But baby, this is a high school. You’re coming off like a bully. Really? [knocking] Hold that thought. Ooh. Oh, hey, babe, how’s
the investigation? I got fired. No. Yeah. Look, do you still
want to make a deal? Do I want to make a deal? Does a cheerleader big tits? Yes. OK, then. You give me the gun, and I’ll
give you whatever you want. Well, you know what I want. You got it. OK, in front of the
whole school now. No popping him in the hallway. I know how you are. Anything, I just want the gun. I’ll give you
more than the gun. I’ll give you– I’ll be back in
about one minute. Oh, good, you found the gun. In the fickle land
of lies, truth must be maintained through force. You want a bigger one? Who’s out there? Where? Oh, there, that’s– my mom. Listen, if– if you want the
school to understand the genius of what you’re doing, we’ve got
to explain it to them in a way that they can understand. [knocking] DAN: Williams. Mother a baritone? Throat cancer. [inaudible] I’ll be right back. Uh, sweetheart, settle. I didn’t forget about you. Give me the gun. The gun, yeah, right. See, about that, I
can’t do it, kid. But you said– Well, that was last
period, wasn’t it? You see, now, if I
remember correctly, it was your decision
not to take it. Yeah, well, I had my head
up my ass last period, OK? Look, you were right. Now just give me the piece and
everybody gets what they want. Well, I– really, really,
I would like to do that, but truth is I haven’t got it. [gunshot] Then what was that? Car backfiring. In your office? I drive a Yugo. I don’t know what you’re
trying to pull here, Williams. But gun or not, I’m
going to get this guy, and then I’m coming after you. Oh, hey, kid, come on. It doesn’t have to be like this. I’m on your side. I don’t need anyone on my side. I don’t need the principal
and I don’t need you. I only need two things– a gun
and a psychopath to use it on. I never fired one before. Kinda cool, huh? Crazy, look, if we’re going
to get your idea across, we’d better do it now
while you’re still hot. I can give you the entire
student body in one room with nothing to do but listen
to you tell them what fools they are on one condition. No more football players die. You’re beginning to piss
off the hall monitor and he is the one person
who could ruin all this. [laughter] What? Let’s just say
the hall monitor’s going to be plum sore at me. Well, what did you expect? I’m gone, man. Wacko. You girls make me sick. Just looking at
you pansies makes me want to puke all over your
pretty, pampered, pussy ass faces. Now, I can tolerate
you failing algebra. Algebra. I can tolerate you getting your
little girlfriends pregnant. Can even tolerate losing
the game every now and then, but I will not tolerate
you lying down and letting some punk kill you
off like a bunch of– like a bunch of mama’s
boy in the honors society. We are the football
team, goddammit. And if there’s killing
to be done, well, by God, we’re going to do it. Right? Sir, if I could? Shut up, Johnny. Do you hate me? Is that it? Huh? Because if you do,
you’ll be happy to know that the entire faculty is
laughing behind my back. Sir, please? Do you have something
to say, Johnny? I thought we could take a
moment and ask for guidance. Have you been talking
to Maurice Williams? There’s something
funny about that man. No, no, guidance from above,
from the ultimate source of power and knowledge,
the Rocky Mountain fever. Is there something
wrong with you, boy? Is your momma a
Southern Baptist? We’re not talking about
some higher spiritual power. We’re talking about
the kicking the living fuck out of some shithead that
is making us look like pussies. TEAM: Yeah. No, no, this is all wrong. The fever is about
love, not anger. You’re disgracing the
fever by giving into anger. Who are you going to listen
to– the man who took you from prepubescent little wussies
to machines of destruction or, ah, Yoda over there? Look, whoever comes with
me and obeys the fever will be rewarded
with love, peace, and everlasting happiness. Let’s go. TEAM: Hurray, John. You the man. [whistle blowing] Free beer. Free beer for
anybody that stays. TEAM: Yeah. Woo-hoo. Well, fine, that’s more
everlasting happiness for me. All right, team, let’s suit up. All right, men, here’s
what’s going to go down. Defensive and offensive
line, now, you big boys are going to sweep
all the classrooms from the Vo-Tech, the second
floor to the basement. You see anybody look funny,
bring ’em to the cafeteria. Special teams, you’ve
got all the doors leading to the outside. Now, the rest of you men, you’re
going to be right here with me in the cafeteria. When everybody’s here, we’re
going to start kicking ass until somebody confesses
or everybody’s dead. TEAM: Yeah. Go kick some ass. [choking] God’s sake, you crazies
think you’re doing? Get up. I said get up you
wussy little weaklings. No one dies around here
until I tell ’em to die. That’s an order. Get up. Men, get up. Free beer. We’re going to lose
so bad tonight. MAURICE (ON PA SYSTEM):
Attention students of Rocky Mountain High, I’m pleased
to announce that seventh period has been cancelled. All students are hereby
ordered to report to the auditorium in a
calm and orderly manner for an end of the day assembly. Thank you. [crowd chatter] [applause] Maurice, what the hell
is going on out there? This isn’t what I wanted. We agreed that this
would be a forum for intellectual debate,
not some big high school production. Hey, babe, this is an
assembly, not speech class. You want ’em to fall asleep? This isn’t what I wanted. Staring to get a little old. Well, how do I look? Delicious. Absolutely scrumptious. What do you think, kid? Do you have a hall pass, son? Just how dumb do you think I am? OK, now, you ready, kids? Remember, you’re
doing this for all the students in all the
school districts in America. Uh, Wendy? When this is all over, you
want to go out or something? Die, freak. Is that thing on? I have a feeling this
is going to be big. Ladies and gentlemen of
Rocky Mountain High School, in preparation for
tonight’s big game, please give it up for
our football team, the Ragin’ Rocky Mountain. [applause] What you see up
here may shock you, but I’m here to tell you
that what you don’t see is even more shocking. Everyone in this
room is living a lie. You walk around in a
world where the illusion of self-satisfaction looms heavy
over the truth of self-worth. Pretentious. Sh. You laugh at the nerd, you
make fun of the fat girl, you shove the geek
into a locker. It makes you feel good,
you think it’s funny. Well, let me tell you I’ve
seen life from the inside of a locker and it stinks. And your laughter prevents
you from seeing the pain of your victim, a pain
which longs for justice, for retribution, for vengeance. Behold my vengeance. Anybody that feels bad,
just raise your hand. Hey, this guy killed
the whole football team. He’s the toughest guy in school. That’s not the point. You are one bad motherfucker. CROWD: Yeah. Possibly, but, no, no. Hey, this mean son of a
bitch got us out to class. Let’s hear it for him. [applause] No, no. This is all wrong. Feel bad, feel bad. What are you going to do? Expel me? You’re wandering the
school without a hall pass, failing to attend a
mandatory school function, and breaking into the
principal’s office. Ha, how would you handle it? Five day suspension
and a broken nose. Heh-heh, if you were
in a forgiving mood. I’m getting old, Dan. Five years ago, I wouldn’t
let the superintendent push me around this way,
conservative bastard. I knew taking away
your gun was a mistake. It is the only thing that
keeps order around here. You know, the day’s not over. You’ve always been
like a son to me, Dan. Uh, I mean, except
that you’re white, but, um, what I’m trying to
say is go on to that assembly. Kill one for me. Go on, get out of here. Day’s almost over. Crazy kid. You’re gonna have a tough
time walking to the assembly with two broken legs. We get smarter every
time you see us. This time, we brought
weapons, dickhead. What do you think about that? What? No catch phrase,
no snotty remark? I gotta say, I’m a little– [gunshot] Pass. Hey, get away from me. I’m warning you. I’m tired of putting
up with your shit. Hey, what are you doing? Where are you taking me? Home. I’m king of the school. I’m standing here face to
face with the brutal football killer. Killer, you have murdered
the football team and gained acceptance
from your peers. Everybody wants to know,
what are you going to do now? Well, Lucy, while there’s no
denying the brilliance of what I’ve done here today,
there’s still so much more to be accomplished. I mean, there’s the
basketball team, the wrestling team,
and who else is sick and tired of pop quizzes? We can hardly wait. Go ahead and drop me.
I know you want you. You are from the high
school, I wouldn’t expect anything creative. What’s that supposed to mean? It means the
entire high school, you included, has two things on
their mind, sex and violence. Wait a second, who are
you to bad mouth violence? You’ve been trying to
beat me up all day? That’s pretty violent. It’s a statement. I’m the victim,
you’re the bully. I’m not a violent person. I’ve been forced to take
violent actions to make a point, get it? Idiot. Beating you up isn’t violent,
it’s a comment on violence. Oh. [screaming] That’s deep, man. [applause] And– and– and
no more homework, I’ll abolish homework. And no more essay exams. From now on, it’s nothing
but multiple choice, baby. Stop. This is wrong. I mean, look at yourselves,
look at what you have become. He killed your friends and
now you’re cheering for him? What about the families
of these dead boys? Will they be cheering? Or what about the fans
of high school football? Will they be cheering
in the stands tonight? Or what about the spotted owl? [gunshot] I got your spotted
owl right here, bitch. [applause] Save me, save me. He said he’d kill me if I
didn’t go along with it. Don’t move, man, or
I’ll shoot the bitch. Are you deaf, man? I’ll do it. You’re looking at a lifetime
of in-school suspension if you don’t drop the gun. All right, you stupid
fuck, you asked for it. [gun clicking] Look, babe. Babe, I set up this
whole assembly. What do you expect? I’m going to let
the bad guy win? Looks like you get
to go home early. Stop. This is wrong. What have you become? He’s no better than the killer. You’re simply trading one
homicidal maniac for another. I say we– [gunshot] [applause] You got something to
say, you raise your hand. Wait, wait, wait,
this solves nothing. If you kill me, my
legend will live on. I’ll become a martyr and
others will rise up in my name and bring the
school to its knees. What do have to say about that? Hm, super. Uh. [bell ringing] Huh? Maury. Oh, fuck. Come on, let’s go. What? School’s over. It’s time to go home. For Christ’s sake,
turn the damn thing off. It’s over. No, no, wait. Keep rolling, keep rolling. Die. Die, you bad, evil,
horrible man, you. Are you getting this? Are you getting this? I’m saving the day here. I hate you. Let it go, Lucy. We’ll miss the bus. What did I do wrong? I wore the dress,
I was vulnerable. He didn’t even kiss me. I must look pathetic. Oh, don’t worry about it, babe. We still got each other. [crying] You OK there, buddy? I didn’t– I didn’t hurt
you too much, did I? Can I ask you a question? Yeah, sure. TEAM: What the fuck is
wrong with you people? They don’t teach you anything
down in the Vo-Tech, do they? This isn’t over. We’ll meet again. I’ll see you Monday, dickhead. Ow. You were right about one thing. What’s that? Everything’s a lie
in the high school. It’s all image and status. The whole place is full of shit. Here, watch this. Hey, Wendy? Do you wanna go out tonight? Drop dead, freak. See? It’s all bullshit. You made a mistake when
you started believing it. That’s OK. I know how hard it is
when the whole school’s cheering for you. Trust me. Dude, when you, like,
had your gun in his face, that was so cool, man. God, I love that. So everything’s just a big lie? But I killed the
entire football team. There’s got to be a consequence
for doing something like that. Well, you’d think
so, wouldn’t you? But look at me, I kill
students every day and everybody loves me. You do realize, of course,
that, uh, come Monday, I’m going to have
to take you down. I think I’ll transfer
to another school. Not a bad idea. Sweetie, over here, let’s go. That’s my ride. I gotta go. Have a good weekend. Yeah. Hi, honey. How was your day? Mom, what did I tell
you about pulling up in front of the school? It’s bad for my image. My, aren’t we in a good mood? I’m sorry, Mom. I’ve had a real weird day. You ever feel like
you just kind of, I don’t know, forget something? Oh, never mind. What’s for dinner? Orange 41, green 33. Can I get a hut 1? Can I get a hut 2? Hut. Can I get a hut? [screaming] [music playing]

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