Miseryball: Football’s biggest HOMEWRECKERS


Flash cars, massive houses, it’s the most
supportive of Stepford WAGs. Your name being crowbarred into the lyrics of
popular music and the faint possibility of getting on the front cover of FIFA if you’re either really good or Freddy Adu face it football players have the lot. But sometimes the lot isn’t quite good enough and they have to borrow somebody
else’s… So this is my top three Footballing home wreckers. Alright so the sports hardly known for waving the flag of monogamy. From the heady days of Garrincha, Frank Worthington and the cockmaster general himself Georgie Best. through to Dwight Yorke’s unsavory orgies ‘Fat’ Ronaldo’s lady boys and Wayne Rooney’s pensioners. Let’s face, it give a footballer an inch and he’ll probably try and put it in you… or your grandma… allegedly… and whilst it maybe a team sport it doesn’t always mean the boys in the dressing-room are safe from the
collateral of your voracious horn either. Case in point, at number three… John George Terry. Chelsea legend, England captain that attempted diving header block against Slovenia was one of the most
inspirational things I have ever seen on a football pitch. The nation would’ve
followed this man into war if he could have only kept it in his pants! 2010, we’re heading towards a South Africa World Cup with a golden generation of players ours for the taking the best chance since 1966… Then Terry goes and 🙁 Wayne Bridge’s girlfriend and it all goes t*ts up. Loses the captaincy, unsettles the squad Capello loses the plot Ferdinand gets injured, linesman rules
out a perfectly good goal dream’s over. Okay so it might be unfair to blame it’s unsettling effect on derailing our entire campaign, especially since Ashley Cole
was our first-choice left-back and the ‘golden generation’ never exactly gelled
on the big stage anyway but it was the first crack to show in what was ultimately a very disappointing summer and it’ was very unseemly behavior. Bridge and his misses were also supposedly already broken up at the time but that doesn’t make it okay If my married mate started having it off with the mother of my child shortly after she’d given me the boot I have a few words too and they’d all be bastard… Still, had nothing on number two, Ryan Joseph Giggs, OBE. Now this guy barely needs an introduction. Class of 92, king of left-wing one of the most decorated, reliable players of all time. The only tragedy really, is that he decided to play for Wales! Like, just imagine what could have been… He might be too busy playing for England in World Cups and Euros to start sleeping with his brother’s wife for eight years. You heard that right, eight years. Imagine explaining that to your family like “Oh I’m sorry guys, we
had a little bit too much to drink” “And one thing led to another and then
another” “and then another… but don’t worry!” “One or two…” “thousand, nine hundred and
twenty days later” “we managed to knock it on the head!” You got to take your hat off to him though, he showed the same consistency in his adultery that he did in football and that’s that’s admirable in a messed up way and yet, not my number one. No, that special place in hell is reserved for
inter and PSG’s Mauro Icardi and the greatest betrayal in football history. So this Argentinian stallion grew up idolizing fellow countryman and Tom Odell look-alike Maxi Lopez before getting to play with him at Sampdoria
and icing on the cake become best of pals. Finding a bond so great, it was only
broken when he starts having an affair with Maxi’s wife Wanda who subsequently divorces him and marries Icardi. But hey, love is fickle these things happen, sometimes it can’t be helped. What can be helped is a Icardi having Lopez’s three kids tattooed on his arm! Imagine, your wife ditches you for your mate at work, kicks you out and he moves in and then start taking credit for the
extension you just built on the kitchen I mean talking about plagiarism Have your own kids mate, it’s not hard! Well it has to be for like a couple of minutes, but
then it pretty much takes care of itself. Yes I just compared the beauty of
childbirth to home improvement, which all parents know, is it’s quite
the opposite from the truth. Anyway there you go, next time you down the ground on
Saturday, hold your dearest close, because nothing is sacred I’ll be moaning about something else next week

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *