Bodega Boys Talk Butts & Drake’s Sideline Antics During NBA Finals | DESUS & MERO | SHOWTIME

Bodega Boys Talk Butts & Drake’s Sideline Antics During NBA Finals | DESUS & MERO | SHOWTIME

[MUSIC PLAYING] MERO: Whee! [CHEERING] I wish I had some water to
spit out and shit, but– phew. Welcome to our
Thursday show, y’all. You know what I’m saying? It’s lit! Go for it. Yeah. DESUS: Go for it, yeah. Cheers. To Thursday, for all my
college students, that this is your Friday. You’re going to make
questionable decisions in about 12 hours. Shake your shit
and start again. If it does– DESUS: Ahh. Done. [LAUGHTER] Mmm, now I feel like driving
a cab, know what I’m saying? Oh, man. Listen, but– Y’all excited to be here? AUDIENCE: Yeah! Yeah. We both eat butt. That was an unnecessary wipe. That wasn’t in the prompter. Like– Is it– we’re doing this
is because you know why? Because this is an intervention. We need to come to
grips to the fact that we’re both ass eaters. We both eat butt. What are you clapping for, sir? [LAUGHTER] We both eat butt. Are you involved
in this intervention? Eat butt. I’m still waiting
for the moment– I’ve watched many
episodes of interventions. There’s no episodes
of interventions– [LAUGHING, CLAPPING] –about people eating butt. There’s no one crying
talking about, yo, hey– I used to love you,
Dad, but then you started to eat wild (WAILING) ass. And what if my mother come
with a letter like, obviously, Desus started eating butt. MERO: [LAUGHING] The family’s falling apart. MERO: [LAUGHING] Damn, imagine if you eat
a butt so bad, you eating– your family’s falling apart. Family’s like yo.
It’s like, yo. That’s some “gorrilicus”
shit, though. [LAUGHING] Yo, he didn’t
come to work again? And I’m trying
to make breakfast. Stop! Oh, ’cause you– oh. That’s ridiculous. Know what I’m saying? JULIA: When did butt
eating become mainstream? – Uh–
– We mainstreamed it. JULIA: Yeah, when– Translators, translators. 2010 on Twitter. The– yeah. You know what it was? Because remember,
they didn’t– people didn’t wipe their butts properly
before like ’09, the Charmin. Because when Charmin came out
with the ads with the bears– MERO: Yeah. –because people
didn’t know how to wipe their butts properly.
– Yes. You seen that
thing with waxing. He’s catching it like– Yeah. He said, I shit in
a tissue in my hand, and then I put it in the toilet. JULIA: Joelle? That’s how I
thought we did it. You telling me– That’s also his Joelle. JULIA: Yeah Yeah. Is your Schwarznegger
Joelle back? Now if you actually stop
and think about it, people been eating that forever.
But think about it. People was eating ass
in the Middle Ages when you’d bathe
like once a year. Yeah. Because it’s
basically eating ramen. Ugh. JULIA: Ew! You ever go to like the– you ever eat, uh,
the Brownie Brittle? Does anybody ever
enjoy Brownie Brittle? This Whole Foods ass
nigga– what is that? [LAUGHTER] DESUS: [COUGHING] Bro, one advice– piece of advice that
I’ll give to anybody is never go to a
supermarket high. You know what I’m
saying, ’cause then you buy shit that you like. This shit sound interesting. Brownie Brittle Is
very interesting, and I also imagine
it is what you would find in a feudal aero butt. Know what I’m saying? It tastes delicious. So now I kind of want
to travel back in time and eat a Medieval ass
and, like, compare the two. You just going to
have mad Black Plague. Mad Black Plague! [LAUGHING] Either you get bit
by a fucking rat. I’ll be like– I’ll go, fuck, I’m from
the DR nigga I beat Zika. It’s like eating
serf’s butts right off the fucking field and shit. [LAUGHING] Hell, yeah. You think just one day
in, like, 1950, someone started eating butt. Like, yo– People been eating butts
since way back in the– I think it was in
the Bible, I think– MERO: Yeah. –like in Deuteronomy
or some shit. Yo, the dude that got
swallowed by the whale, what the fuck you think
he was doing in there? Yeah. He ate the whale’s butt. How you think he got out? He was in there, like,
ahh, till he relaxed. Yo, he probably got
a Scientology bible. The butthole relaxed, and then
he was able to, like, slip out. Wait. Wait, how did he get
eaten by the whale? Nah, he was probably trying
to do butt sex with him. That sounds weird. Oh, I got shipwrecked. The whale ate me. That was like Mr. Hands BC. Also, a whale at
me sounds like– [LAUGHING] Wow, Mr. Hands. [LAUGHING] JULIA: Nope. Nope. No, a whale ate me,
it sounds like a lie told a girl back in like, pfft,
I want to say, like, 2015. Yo, I was on a train, right? Boom, and then it
started raining, OD. And then a whale ate me up. That’s why I could’ve asked
you to text message, ma. I ain’t have no service. I was in the small intestine. I had no service. And she’s like, again? – Sheesh.
– Another whale? Another whale?
Really? What kind of whale was it? Yeah, uh,uh, uh– Uh, a sperm whale. Baby shark. [LAUGHING] Baby shark. They’re out here. They’re trying to– they’re– Like are they moving
in in Bushwick or– They are. They’re just– they’re buying
condos in Bushwick right now. Does he approach with
two whales and shit? Why not?
Hey. They’re just spraying
you with that water. [MIMICS SHOWER] Mimosas
coming out the blowhole. – Oh, Rockaway.
– Oh, OK. They got guns? JULIA: The whales? Have you been to Rockaway?
They better. They better have guns. Better strap
up, because I did. Know what I’m saying? Mad wheels off the
nutcracker and shit. You know what I’m saying? Got the beast with Mad Tims. Yo, what’s bopping, yo? We all shit over here, nigga. I let my dorsal fin pop,
yo, know what I’m saying? Is it clear we have no
idea what a whale looks like? JULIA: Yes. [LAUGHTER]
Yeah, very. I’m, like, yo, you know,
’cause they’re furry. [LAUGHS] Yeah. Yeah. You know what I’m saying? Um, I did once, and it was
very boring, and I was high– DESUS: Wait, watching them– –and it still was boring. Watching them do what? They just jump out
of the water, bro. It’s mad boring. It’s mad boring. JULIA: It’s beautiful. They got, like, whale [MUTED]. JULIA: I mean, I– That would be hot,
like, some big-ass whales? Yeah. [BARKS LIKE SEAL] This is the
whale, yo, yo, hit the balls. Again, Joel Embiid [LAUGHTER] Joel Embiid. The whale? [LAUGHTER] Did you find a name [INAUDIBLE]? [LAUGHING] I like glasses on ex-hamster. MERO: [LAUGHING] Let me
throw a knowledge dart straight into your third eye. JULIA: [LAUGHING] A fucking– a whale
penis is called a “dork.” Did you know that? JULIA: Yeah, I did
know that, so– – Oh, OK.
– I didn’t. Thank you. You know what I’m saying? So then when you call– No spoilers. [LAUGHING] What happens
to Moby a the end? Is it– is he– He thinks about
dating that girl. Oh, that’s sweet, yeah. Chapter 4–
– Yes. [LAUGHING] How big is a whale dick? Actually, I asked you
that so you could google it. I didn’t ask you off
the top of your head. That was weird, Julia. MERO: [LAUGHING] Do you just have like every
animal’s real, like, dick size memorized? Yo! Some whale is lying. Yeah. 7 to 10. They were like, 7 feet. MERO: 7 feet. He was like change
that inches to feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just take one little
parentheses off. 10 feet? MERO: [LAUGHING] Yo! That’s like a manhole. Like, what the– Damn! Shit. – Damn.
– Damn. Wow. All right, bro. The whales are out there
living their best life. Nah, ’cause you know they’re–
those niggas are retired. They’re probably just
lying there, like, well, I gave you 12 inches. Look at that, yo, you
know what I’m saying? Bong, bong. Try to stick it in her blowhole. [LAUGHING] Again, we don’t know
what whales look like. I don’t do that. I don’t do that. I told you I don’t do that. Are you a whale? I’m a whale. And you try to put your dick
in my blowhole, your “dork,” excuse me, in my blowhole. I don’t do that. Can you hit some
sort of urban whale? [LAUGHING] This isn’t just
any any species. – That’s right.
– Yeah. [APPLAUSE] And– just to clarify– thank you for the
applause– just to clarify, it is not the Teen
Choice Awards. We are not getting
slime dumped on us. Actually, we
don’t know if there are going to be famous
people there or what, so– MERO: You know what I’m saying?
You never know. And then you bump into famous
people that you don’t know are famous, ’cause
they’re outside of your cultural bubble. Exactly.
You know what I’m saying? Even though I know who she is. What– the name
sounds familiar. What show? Right. She was in “Sicario.” She was, like, the main
agent in “Sicario.” Uh– [LAUGHTER] Really?
JULIA: Yeah. MERO: Wow. Wow. Yo, but yo, let’s be real. Put Emily Blunt next
to Jessica Chastain and tell me the difference.
AUDIENCE: No! No! Wow, excuse me, relax. Wow, white people
are fed the fuck up. We’re like, don’t do that. We’re, like, enough! That’s enough! I was here for the
ants on the long slander, but this is too much. MERO: [LAUGHING] She said, no! Next thing you know,
they’re going to be talking bad about “Star Wars.” Uh, Philly? JULIA: Oh, come on. [LAUGHING] MERO: No. James Blunt? JULIA: No. [LAUGHTER] How many motherfucking
Blunts are there? “The Office,”
from “The Office.” JULIA: “The Office.” Yeah. Wait, he didn’t marry Pam? Wow, my life is a lie. That’s wack. That’s why the show
went downhill, right? We were rooting for y’all. Is that “Birdbox”? JULIA: It’s not “Birdbox,” no. “The Quite Place”– That’s the one they can’t
make noises, though, right? JULIA: Yes. OK. Oh, that’s right,
yeah, yeah, yeah. JULIA: OK? Why is there a new
“Mary Poppins”? I said, oh yeah, like I know. I’m just trying to get in
good with my man Lin Manuel. JULIA: [LAUGHS] Wait, is he behind that? Lin Manuel is in it. [LAUGHING, CLAPPING] Y’all moving too fast. It’s Thursday, relax! This is like, you
know, “Who’s on First?” I’m hearing there’s “Mary
Poppins” and Lin Manuel. Lin Manuel was
in “Mary Poppins”? JULIA: Yeah. Yeah, hmm. MERO: Yeah.
British. acc– JULIA: Yeah. That sounds like a mess. He freaky. [LAUGHING] [LAUGHING] I’ve never been a “Mary
Poppins” truther until now. And I was like,
you’ll leave it alone. [LAUGHING] But– did it take place
in Washington Heights? He’s, like, flying through
the air with a nutcracker, going yo. Look at this. Just land on
empanadas and shit. [SINGING] Yeah. Uh, Mary Poppins. Kate Beckinsale? Julia Roberts? Julie Andrews. Yeah! [CLAPPING]
Yeah! Yeah! Yo, yeah!
Know what I’m saying? Yeah! Yeah, we’d like to
solve the puzzle, Steve. MERO: Big bucks no whammies! Yeah– Yeah! –begrudgingly. As a Knick fan, I don’t
want anyone to win, so– MERO: Yeah, I want
them both to lose. Watch also haters
watch like this– Yeah. Drake is doing too much. Drake, stop it. Hey, what are you doing, all
that running around the sides. Bro, he– do you see
how comedian he turn, though, when they win, though? DESUS: Yeah. He’s like, this is
like a college team, eh? We’re following– we rally
behind our team, man. You know what I’m saying? This is just the beginning, man. DESUS: There was
nothing here before us. We made all this.
– We made all this. This is like a
college team, man. Lookit, everybody’s
here enjoying. And then he got mad playing
Canadians, like, everybody is doing the right thing. You know, we’re all
following rules. We’re having a good time. You know what I’m saying? Game 7, you know
what I’m saying? There won’t be no Game 7. Game 6, let’s go. I was just like, damn, they
could just pour maple syrup on your head after that. Ay. Come on, bro. Anyone here think the
Raptors are going to win? AUDIENCE: Yeah!
[CLAPPING] Yeah! Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah! She has to rep! Yeah, yeah, yeah, you
gotta rep your city. Nah. I’ll bet that the
Raptors will lose. I should bet. I might put in a bet. JULIA: You want to
do this right now? Wow, the guy with the Versace
shirt, with the gold chains, is going to put in a bet. Wow, didn’t see that coming. [LAUGHTER] Hey, pals, hey, it’s your
boy, Mero the Greek, uh– I love everyone
watching this show is slowly watching
Mero become Italian. [LAUGHING] Yo, listen, uh– What’s this– what’s the line? Raptors in six,
Kawhi Leonard, MVP. – That’s your prediction?
– Book it. Merodamas, how much you
willing to put up with that? I put five racks on it. JULIA: Is that– To myself, to myself, like,
if I lose, I just keep my five racks, and if I win, I take
five racks out the ATM, and give it to myself,
like, yo, you did that. You did that. All I know is some big
guy gonna come to your house and be like, yeah,
I’m taking this kid. [LAUGHING] The Raptors, Game
1 at home, Raptors, they got home court advantage. Warriors’ guys are– Steph Curry just going to–
he’s just kind of like bullshit for like three quarters, and
then he’s just going to go off. They going be, like, I
can’t believe this nigga wears Skechers. Yeah. And they light up. JULIA: [LAUGHS] How did he get clearance
with the light-up shits? Like, he can do a shot,
He look at the camera. He be like, yeah, I’m
Christian, and I love my wife. You shit, nigga. What? What? She got a cooking show, nigga. Also, Ayesha Curry,
you’re very attractive. Just want to throw
that out there. Yes, you’re very attractive. I know that that
means a lot to you. We are paying
attention to you. We agree you’re an
excellent person. Hey, bruh, I mean, like,
once you factor in the fact that Klay looks
like the PBS logo– [LAUGHTER] Klay could do,
like, math tricks that are probably sexy and shit. Like he’ll probably spell
out “boobs” on a calculator. Yeah, you know
what I’m saying? And he wears, like,
Oakleys still in 2019. He’s like the guy that
goes on a date with you and he sent you mad facts
about actually and shit. He’s like– He’s like, actually your
period doesn’t last 45 days. It doesn’t.
It doesn’t. It’s only seven.
– Seven. Oh, the octopus here is great. You should try it.
– Yeah. Oh, you don’t eat meat? Oh, well, try it anyway. It’s really good. Change your mind. Oh, man. But then Steph did the
expression with the blazer, and he’s dribbling home
like, a WNBA basketball shit, like, looking wild herbed out. JULIA: So it’s a tie? So it’s like neck and neck. It’s like the Kentucky Derby. Something’s going to happen at
the end, and they’ll be like, he cheated. He was using swag, reducing– That’s how I know you gamble. You do Kentucky Derby like we
know what the fuck that is. [LAUGHS] We talked
about this shit last week, how much weed you smoke? That was last week, nigga. JULIA: Three or four days ago. Right? [LAUGHING] Thank you. All right, y’all want

100 thoughts on “Bodega Boys Talk Butts & Drake’s Sideline Antics During NBA Finals | DESUS & MERO | SHOWTIME

  1. Is it just me or does anyone else think that this whole time its been Anna Kendrick talking in front of them; throwing q's, replying, and keepin em on there toes on these wrap ups.

  2. Lmao I can relate to Desus so much when they started talking about actresses. Lls I was saying "who?" as well.

  3. "We talked about the shit last week n*gga, how much weed you smoking??" "That was last week, n*gga!" lmfaoo

  4. the Philly Blunt line had me pushing air out my nose and blowing weed crumbs and marlboro guts on my keyboard

  5. Yooooo. Klay Thompson looks like the PBS logo?! My god these two are fucking comedy gold. I'm a get fired for watching this stuff.

  6. Man the OG Eating ass president is Tracy Morgan ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ bro that interview they did with him almost put me in the HOSPITAL ๐Ÿฅ….. man man said I bought a glass table and had my girl Shit on it !!!

    I gave her money to get bangs in her hair so I can cum on her forehead!! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  7. Ayy bruh after watching this again Mero called the finals! Raptors in 6! Kawhi MVP! Bruh you was dead ass on that shit @Mero

  8. Bruh this ainโ€™t even close to being as funny as it used to be but get that check !! ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿฟ

  9. Julia: You know who Emily Blunt is married to?
    Mero: Ughhh Philly ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  10. Mero " he was ahh,ahhh and it relaxed the butt and that's how he was able to slip out" ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  11. @9:53 that mean ass white girl tone lol
    "she was in it!"
    her entire persona changed for about a half second in total. all the sudden she turned into a demon posessed jank

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